Thursday Thirteen

Greetings one and all. I have decided to dedicate this Thursday Thirteen to my useless female slave. Allow my list to explain...


Thirteen Reasons why I hate my Female Slave

1. Last night she had the NERVE to serve me stewing steak with kidney. I do not eat kidney. I only like fillet or rump steak. I was really quite disgusted with the menu on offer last night.


2. She isn’t very bright. I constantly and consistently have to repeat each and every order I am howling at her. She seldom understands the first time.


3. She fidgets. A lot. If I am in bed under the quilt with the electric blanket, feeling warm and toasty, I have to put up with her turning over every five bloody minutes. It is almost as though she thinks it is her bed and I am in the way! Imagine that!


4. She forces me to watch hours of inane television that I simply cannot stand. I don’t like Big Brother – it is junk food for the brain. My female slave, however, will watch it religiously. But then, like I said, she isn’t very bright.


5. She buys me clothing from her catalogue and finds it is often in the wrong size. Then, instead of admitting her stupidity, she blames it on my ever expanding girth! How very dare she!


6. She only buys me new toys on pay day which is once a month. I demand them every day but am stuck with only twelve times a year.

7. She sometimes comes home smelling of other felines. I find this abhorrent. Apparently there is a Cats Protection League nearby that she frequents at different times. Traitor.

8. When I am sleepy and full and consequently at my most defenceless, she will approach me and kiss me on my forehead. I wouldn’t mind but if I do not stir immediately, she doesn't hesitate to scoop me into her arms and rock me like a baby. I find this humiliating. It is no way to treat a Royal Siamese Prince.

9. She hoovers. Why does she have to hoover? We have wooden floors! This is a senseless act of vandalism in my environment.

10. She is always saying ‘oh, look at Baby Mao! He is so cute!’ every time the little runt so much as moves off the sofa! It is quite ridiculous!

11. She works all day. How dare she? She should be at home attending to my every whim.

12. She took me to be neutered when I was just a kitten. Evil evil evil slave.

13. On her way out to work each day, she always says ’I love you Royal Yao-Lin and you too, Baby Mao’. I would be happier if she said ' I worship you my Royal Prince and I disregard Baby Mao'.


So there you have it. I worry that this is cat-abuse and I will be whisked away by the RSPCA one day!

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin xxx