Greetings one and all. I have decided to dedicate this Thursday Thirteen to my useless female slave. Allow my list to explain...
Thirteen Reasons why I hate my Female Slave
1. Last night she had the NERVE to serve me stewing steak with kidney. I do not eat kidney. I only like fillet or rump steak. I was really quite disgusted with the menu on offer last night.
2. She isn’t very bright. I constantly and consistently have to repeat each and every order I am howling at her. She seldom understands the first time.
3. She fidgets. A lot. If I am in bed under the quilt with the electric blanket, feeling warm and toasty, I have to put up with her turning over every five bloody minutes. It is almost as though she thinks it is her bed and I am in the way! Imagine that!
4. She forces me to watch hours of inane television that I simply cannot stand. I don’t like Big Brother – it is junk food for the brain. My female slave, however, will watch it religiously. But then, like I said, she isn’t very bright.
5. She buys me clothing from her catalogue and finds it is often in the wrong size. Then, instead of admitting her stupidity, she blames it on my ever expanding girth! How very dare she!
6. She only buys me new toys on pay day which is once a month. I demand them every day but am stuck with only twelve times a year.
7. She sometimes comes home smelling of other felines. I find this abhorrent. Apparently there is a Cats Protection League nearby that she frequents at different times. Traitor.
8. When I am sleepy and full and consequently at my most defenceless, she will approach me and kiss me on my forehead. I wouldn’t mind but if I do not stir immediately, she doesn't hesitate to scoop me into her arms and rock me like a baby. I find this humiliating. It is no way to treat a Royal Siamese Prince.
9. She hoovers. Why does she have to hoover? We have wooden floors! This is a senseless act of vandalism in my environment.
10. She is always saying ‘oh, look at Baby Mao! He is so cute!’ every time the little runt so much as moves off the sofa! It is quite ridiculous!
11. She works all day. How dare she? She should be at home attending to my every whim.
12. She took me to be neutered when I was just a kitten. Evil evil evil slave.
13. On her way out to work each day, she always says ’I love you Royal Yao-Lin and you too, Baby Mao’. I would be happier if she said ' I worship you my Royal Prince and I disregard Baby Mao'.
So there you have it. I worry that this is cat-abuse and I will be whisked away by the RSPCA one day!
Ta ta for now
HRH Yao-Lin xxx
Thursday, 31 May 2007
Greetings one and all. I have decided to dedicate this Thursday Thirteen to my useless female slave. Allow my list to explain...
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Tuesday, 29 May 2007
Well, I imagine you have already heard. I know I have. Again, and again, and again, and again.
For those of you who don't follow, Baby Mao has his own blog. He seems to imagine that he has lots of 'friends'. He thinks his poo smell is endearing and his scrawniness is cute. Which one of you gave him these ideas?
Now, I know this isn't terrible news in the grand scheme of things and that far worse things can happen to a cat. But it isn't fair. First I had to share my home, then my food, then my bed, then my SLAVES and now MY COMPUTER.
I would give you all the silent treatment but I can't let one hindrance halt the message of my greatness.
So, onwards and upwards, my worthy cause will not be stopped!
Behold, His Royal Greatness:
Monday, 28 May 2007
Sunday, 27 May 2007
I have been tagged by both Chairman Mao and Marie the Defender! Thank you guys for tagging me, it goes without saying: any opportunity to talk about myself is a great opportunity!
The rules are simple: Confess as many things as you like and then tag as many cats as you like.
So, without further delay, here are my confessions. If you are short of time, I would leave now. I have a feeling the list is going to be l-o-n-g!
1. I recently heard the term ' King of the Universe' and I am considering adopting it. I would love to be King of the Universe!
2. I go on about Baby Mao being a brat but truthfully, I am equally as brattish in my behaviour and demands. I am sure you are surprised by this confession!
3. I get really jealous when Mao gets attention, from either cats or humans. I think everyone should worship ME alone.
4. When visitors attend my palace, I don't hesitate to nip at them if I don't like the way they look or smell.
5. I love toothpaste. Human toothpaste. If my slave has some on her hand or on her mouth I will lick it off at the same time as purring incessantly.
6. I helped Mao defrost the freezer. I was a little surprised at the amount of water everywhere! I didn't feel guilty though.
7. I actually prefer my male slave over my female slave, even though my female slave attends to my every whim. I think I may be a bit sexist.
8. I felt threatened by Baby Mao when he first came to live with me. Then when I saw how tiny he was, I just felt really really annoyed.
9. The female slave bought a book entitled ' Testing your Cat's IQ'. Mao actually scored higher than I did! I think the test was rigged to make stinky Mao feel better.
10. Sometimes I sniff Mao's hoo-ha's and pull a really weird face. I don't know why I do this. He doesn't even have any hoo-ha's!
11. I started blogging after I met Skeezix. His was the first cat blog I ever read and I was hugely impressed. Then I realised that I could use a blog to send the message of my Greatness across the world. I think it was fate!
12. I have previously walked into next door's house as though I own it. I have been known to growl at the occupants, especially when they are in their garden. I think it is MY garden.
13. I was traumatised for a week after having my hoo-ha-ectomy. My human thought she would have to take me back to the vet. I became very depressed and wouldn't eat. I feel OK now but I still haven't quite forgiven the humans .
14. I force my human to carry me to my food bowl. All I have to do is howl at her and she comes running, picks me up and places me next to my food.
15. It has taken me over a year to get my slaves as well trained as they are and they STILL make mistakes!
16. As a result of 15, I regard my humans with disdain most of the time. I wish I could test their IQ's and then exchange them for some humans with a higher score.
17. I trashed my human ' Grandmother's house. I was forced to stay there for two weeks last summer and I set about being the most badly behaved cat in history. I wrecked her expensive curtains, knocked down all of the ornaments, tried to kill her budgie, knocked my treats all over the floor, kicked litter all over the carpet, howled all the way through the night and at one point, stole a Macdonalds Burger right from out of her hand. I am not allowed to stay there anymore. Mission accomplished!
Right, I am going to tag:
Zippy, Sadie and Speedy
Oh, and baby Mao wants me to tag Kaia.
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 01:28
Saturday, 26 May 2007
Ah, would you look at that pose! Elegance personified. I really really do love myself, especially when I look as gorgeous as this.
Friday, 25 May 2007
Good day my traitorous subjects.
Why traitorous, I hear you ask?
Well, it seems some of you have been encouraging Baby Mao in his endeavours to hijack my blog.
Here are some quotes from the comments Mao has been receiving: Mr Hendrix: 'I think Yao-lin is very nice to share his blog. We like to learn about you too.' The Meezers: ' Baby Mao - you is so cute! ' Kaia: 'Wanna teleport over to play tent war?'.
I understand that Mao can appear cute and kitten like at times. Oh yes, he has pulled the wool over the eyes of the slaves and of numerous other visitors. Be warned - beneath all of this cuteness there lies a real, 100% genuine brat.
I am getting quite emotional now.
I forgive each of you . I forgive, because I am a forgiving and ultimately altruistic Royal Prince.
However, this misdemeanour could not go unpunished. When I sauntered in and found Mao on my blog (without asking permission), I gave him the ' bitey' and forced him to wear this stripy ensemble.
Mao: consider yourself punished.
Thursday, 24 May 2007
Psssst...this is Baby Mao. I have snuck onto the computer whilst Yao-Lin is scoffing his dinner.
He is going to be cross with me but oh well, I don't care!
Anyway, I have to make this quick because big brother is half way through his fillet steak.
I got tagged for another meme!!!! Thank you Monty Q Cat for the tag!
So, here my Favourite Things ( and I am typing as fast as I can!):
Time of day: Early evening - Yao-Lin goes out to play in the garden and I get stinky goodness and extra cuddles. Yao-Lin has no idea! It's great!
Day of the Week: Pay day because my mummy buys me toys every time.
Season of the year: I am only young but so far, my favourite season is actually winter. I LOVE the electric blanket and I LOVE sitting near the heater.
Holiday: I think it will be Christmas cos I reckon I will get spoiled rotten. I'm the baby of the family and that is my right.
Beaches: What's a beach?
Song: 'Rehab' by Amy Winehouse. I am a nip addict and I think it's appropriate!
Flower: Nip nippety nip.
Talk Show: Sally Jessie. It's good to watch when you don't have a job cos it is repeated about 20 times a day.
Movie: The cat, I mean Horse Whisperer.
Beverage: I love fruit smoothies. Seriously. Everytime there is one in a glass, I stick my head right in.
Fruit: Fruit smoothies!
Food: I am not fussy like Yao-Lin - I will eat anything, the stinkier the better.
Restaurant: It would have to be Yan-Woo's, a nice little Malaysian place in town. Mummy brought me back a doggie (or should I say cattie) bag from there once and it was yummy.
Uh-oh...Yao-Lin just walked in...he doesn't look best pleased...I have to g -
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 10:05
Wednesday, 23 May 2007
Tuesday, 22 May 2007
Beautiful Marylin Monreow and also Darling Millie have tagged me for another meme!!!
See? I knew everyone loved to hear about me!
Right, on to the Meme entitled MY FAVOURITE:
Time of Day: Breakfast time. Lunch time. Dinner time. Supper time. Mmm. I'm hungry. Can I finish this later?
Day of the week: I have to say Saturday and Sunday because my slaves are on call 24 hours. As they should be!
Holiday: Christmas, definitely. I get fed succulent meat at regular intervals throughout the day. This pleases me.
Beaches: There are some stunning beaches near to where I live, one in particular: Appley Beach. Unfortunately, they allow dogs on the beach at certain times which is a problem. Especially when you are a cat.
Song: Hmm...tricky one...I think this would have to be 'I love my dog' by Cat Stevens. When I sing it, however, I change "dog'"to "myself". The human changes it to "cat" !
Flower: Not a flower but still my favourite: Aloe Vera. Sadly the human had to dispose of her huge aloe vera plant because I believed it was healthy to eat. *sigh*
Talk show: Jeremy Kyle. King of Chavs!
Movie: The Lion king.
Beverage: Guiness. It matches my colours!
Fruit:I actually like bananas. Apparently not uncommon amongst cats of the blogosphere! (You know who I am talking about, Daisy!)
Food: Oh, my..the list could be endless. Steak (medium), Lamb Chops (medium), salmon, tuna, yoghurt (natural organic), new potatoes, carrot, toast, chicken, mashed potato, trifle, yorkshire puddings, roast beef, parsnips....basically, whatever the humans are eating I demand.
Restaurant: Appley Manor. It's a hotel and a restaurant and the menu hasn't changed in twenty years. Plus you get LOADS of food. And it is cheap.
Now, I am going to tag:
Kaze, Latte or Chase
Monday, 21 May 2007
I think this is the closest the human has ever got for a picture of me. I look quite the model!
The humans were laffin and laffin (Jeter style) when they took this picture. Apparently they think I look like catzilla or something?
I see nothing amusing in this photograph. Only beauty which is, in this case, in the eye of the beholden ;-)
Ta ta for now
Sunday, 20 May 2007
Another fine example of Mao showing one of his idiotic expressions! I think he was sniffing the air or something. I just look peeved, as usual. Why must the human's provide photgraphic evidence of my every move? Sometimes I just want to sit on the wall in peace. Without Mao looking stupid!
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 05:58
Friday, 18 May 2007
Thursday, 17 May 2007
Today I have (once again) to pass over to the spoilt brat ( I mean darling brother) that is Baby Mao. Apparently he is of some interest to some cats and has been tagged for the Seven Random Things meme. I am going to assume you all know the rules and I think everycat has been tagged already - if you haven't, please consider yourself tagged!
Right, I am off to eat steak (again) *yawn *I am so tired of the menu at this place. Handing over to Baby Mao:
Hi everyone!!!! I am so excited that I got tagged for this! Big thanks to Hendrix/Bendrix for the tag! I love to talk about myself, almost as much as my brother does (but not quite). I have decided to incorporate the seven facts into a Thursday Thirteen, so here goes:
1. I think I may be the runt of the litter because I am really quite a small baby boy. Or Yao-Lin is just really huge. My mummy hasn't quite decided yet.
2. I call my humans my Mummy and Daddy because I am the baby of the family and they spoil me rotten!
3. That's not to say I am without airs or graces. I am just not as into the whole ' royal Siamese prince' thing as Yao-Lin. I know I can get my own way simply by being cute!
4. I love cuddles with my Mummy and Daddy. I purr and purr and roll over on my back and get my belly tickled. It's great!
5. I am not bothered by Yao-Lin. He does bully me a little bit but I know that secretly he loves me lots and lots. Especially when I sit on his head to keep him warm.
6. I really do smell of poo. I can't help it, I just do. I get poo on my paws and then I walk around the house. I do it on purpose and Mummy and Daddy still say ' Oh, stinky little Baby Mao, what did you do that for?'. I think they are a bit dense.
7. I am VERY vocal. When I whinge, which is all the time, my Mummy and Daddy jump to attention - they ask ' What's wrong Baby Mao?' and then I whinge some more until I get cuddled or fed.
8. I have really helped Yao-Lin in trashing the house. I scratch and I claw every box and bit of furniture in sight. I do have giant scratching posts but I just prefer the stuff that belongs to my Mummy and Daddy. I only scratch stuff when they aren't here so that they can't tell me off!
9. Mummy and Daddy say I am clever because I can play fetch. *duh* ALL Siamese do that!!!
10. I am scared of the big outdoors. Besides, when Yao-Lin goes out to play, I get fed lots of yummy treats so I don't have much incentive to go out.
11. Sometimes, if there are two food bowls out, I will sit on one and eat from the other. This is so that I don't have to share. I don't really like sharing.
12. My favourite trick is to climb up the curtains and then drop onto Mummy and Daddy's faces when they are asleep. I am small enough to be agile but sturdy enough to cause pain. It is pretty funny!
13. It was my idea to defrost the freezer. I was a bit cross with Mummy and Daddy for leaving me alone for so long. I don't feel guilty at all. Should I?
Well, that's all from me for now. I have to go and annoy my brother. I might just go and fart in his face or something. Ha ha!
Love and cuddles and purrs
Baby Mao xxxxx
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
Greetings once again my loyal subjects.
Can I comment, please, on my cuteness in this picture? (You know I am going to!)
Firstly, we have the pink shirt which fits like a dream and really offsets perfectly against my natural dark colouring (more pictures of this to follow on Friday). Then, we have the look of concentration on my beautiful face, coupled with the protruding tongue.
I mean, really, do meezers get much cuter than this?
I was actually trying to attack the lace on the human's pajamas. She really shouldn't wear such silly apparel!
Monday, 14 May 2007
The mixed family, made up of her four newly born kittens and seven adopted chicks, lives in a cardboard box and has seemingly put its differences aside to eat, sleep and play together.
You can read the full article here.
Wonders will never cease, honestly!
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Hey, Yao-Lin! The human's have gone down the pub. Let's have a party of our own!
Mmmm expensive whisky...
Mao, I am not keen on spirits. I think I will stick to Guiness. It matches my colours, see?
Friday, 11 May 2007
Mao is jumping around like a lunatic. He is very excited because he is cat of the month on the Cats in Boxes website.
I am sure he forced me to post this picture before, but in order to get some peace and quiet around here I have to post it again:
Well, Mao, I suppose I should offer you my congratulations. You only got the recognition for doing what you do best, little brother - being stupid!
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 10:15
Thursday, 10 May 2007
Dragonheart, Suzanne and The Meezer Gang have tagged me to write 7 random things about myself! I love any excuse to talk about myself and I am grateful to them all for another wonderful opportunity!
I have also decided to increase this number and incorporate the meme into my Thursday Thirteen. In actual fact, I could list a hundred facts about myself ( I am that self absorbed) but I don't have time. Shame!
Here are the rules: Each player starts with seven random facts about themselves. Cats who are tagged need to write on their own blog about the seven things and the rules. You need to choose seven cats to tag and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment that they have been tagged and to read your blog!
Seven Random Things About Me
1. I like to climb up my human's back, with my claws fully extended. I do this for fun.
2. I love yoghurt. LOVE it. But only organic fat free natural yoghurt. Served in a bowl that is room temperature.
3. I love fillet steak, cooked to medium and served on a bed of grated carrot. I also love lamb chops served in the same manner.
4. To show my displeasure at my humans for abandoning me, I recently defrosted the freezer. I managed this feat by conspiring with baby Mao to play around the extension lead and 'accidentally' switch it off. I rock!
5. I like to kick litter all over the floor, even if I don't actually need the toilet. I like to do this after the humans have hoovered and mopped and especially if they have spent the day cleaning.
6. I am the most demanding cat my human has ever had. For the first few months of my existence, I howled at the humans day and night until they realised I was actually very lonely. Unfortunately, I ended up with Baby Mao for company. *sigh*
7. I know I go on about how much I hate baby Mao but, between you and me, I am rather fond of him. He torments me but I much prefer his company to being alone!
8. I am self obsessed. I spend hours grooming, demanding attention, grooming, demanding food, grooming and demanding toys.
9. I have never had a girlfriend but I do have a crush on a certain Princess Meezer who frequents the Blogosphere. I believe our royal connection adds a certain spark ;-).
10. My birthday is 12/3/2006. I am a little over a year old but already wearied by the trials and tribulations of my stressful existence. What? You don't believe me?
11. I do really stinky farts, but only if my bum is near the human. Otherwise, what's the point?
12. I have been known to drink from the human's toilet. It usually gets a reaction!
13. I sometimes ponder the meaning of life. Actually, that is a lie. I only ever think about myself!
I tag (you only have to list 7 random things):
Kaze, Latte & Chase
Evil White Cat
Tuesday, 8 May 2007
Well, the new camera arrived today and the humans set about torturing me, as predicted by some of you wiser cat bloggers!
This is one of the 'outfits' the human's bought me from Amsterdam. It is the Dutch national colour and is actually quite comfortable to wear.
I think I look rather lovely in this colour. I may insist the humans buy me more.
Ta ta for now
HRH Yao-Lin .
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 11:46
Monday, 7 May 2007
The camera is broken (to be replaced by Tuesday thank Goodness) so here is a picture from the archives. A slightly random picture but still beautiful, nevertheless.
Congratulations to Latte and Chey on their marriage. They are each now being waited on hand and paw by no less than FIVE human slaves!! Oh, to be so lucky!
Also, congratulations to Royal Princess Tara on her impeccable taste in meezers ;-)
Ah, enough from me on this Bank Holiday Monday - it is another sleepy day and I have yet more food to eat.
I trust you will enjoy the picture. More to follow very shortly.
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 04:38
Saturday, 5 May 2007
This is one of the gifts the humans brought back from Amsterdam. I find it deeply unfunny. They, however, think it is hilarious. I've said it before and I will say it again - humans are stupid! I think this comes under the term 'toilet humour'. I am far too intelligent to be amused.
For accuracy, I will include the text on the box:
Cat Butt Gum - 8 pieces of kiss my ass attitude.
7 Helpful occasions to chew this gum:
1. When you suddenly need to change your mood.
2. When somebody yells at you and you don't want to listen
3. If you lack attitude.
4. When you need to refuse.
5. When you want to be picky
6. When you want to be selfish.
7. When you definitely want to say ' kiss my ass!'.
Hmmm. Actually, I think all of the above are quite accurate in describing feline character!
Friday, 4 May 2007
The slaves are home - they returned last night around midnight, tired and bedraggled and a little confused by the water all over the kitchen floor.
You see, as a little present for them leaving me so long, Mao and I decided to use our weight to kick the switch connected to the extension lead which in turn connects to the freezer.
We managed to defrost the entire contents of the freezer. All that human food - wasted! Mwa ha ha ha!! I have to admit, sometimes two heads are better than one in planning revenge and it was actually Mao's idea! I am ever so slightly impressed.
Lesson learned, I don't think the humans will be going away again in a hurry.
I allowed them to shower me with gifts - pictures to follow shortly but the male slave broke the camera by packing it next to his aftershave which leaked and now it won't work. Stupid humans strike again!
Honestly, the tales my humans have told me about their time in Amsterdam - I am not ashamed to admit that it has made me blush!! Do you know, they actually have female humans for sale in shop windows? Can you imagine??!!( Don't click on the link if you blush easily).
I don't think my female human was overly impressed with Amsterdam - she found it a bit sleezy and grimy. She said that whilst it is a pretty city of canals and trees, there is far too much grafitti and litter.
She did however manage to pay a visit to Anne Frank's house which she loved and was really pleased to be able to pay her respects. She also visited Rembrandts House and decided she wants a house just like it! In her dreams maybe!
Anyway, enough about the humans and their trip to Amsterdam, I am bored now. I am going to be thoroughly spoiled over the next few days, whether the human's like it or not. Lamb chops for dinner tonight along with steak tomorrow.
Yours, happy that my slaves have returned at last,
HRH Yao-Lin xxx
Thursday, 3 May 2007
I should like to extend my sincerest thank you to each and every cat who has offered words of encouragement and sympathy during these last few days.
I have been miserable, I have suffered more than any royal prince should but I understand that the suffering will shortly be coming to an end. The humans telephoned the Vanessa slave just this morning and indicated that they will shortly be returning home.
I will once again be worshipped and waited on hand and paw.
I believe the humans will have bought me gifts.
Rest assured, I will not be showing any gratitude or affection. I will let my slaves see the extent of my displeasure. I know they worry when I ignore them. I know they dislike it when I climb up their backs with my claws out. I will do all of this and more. Mwa ha ha.
Oh, a big Thank You also to Kat who has seen fit to make me Cat of the Day! At least somebody recognises my greatness! I pity the humans who do not!
Tuesday, 1 May 2007
The humans' have been gone for two days now.
Vanessa attends my home. She feeds me and plays with me but she does not worship me. She has two children that she brings along with her. I don't like them because they also fail to recognise my greatness .
I am siamese. I deserve to be worshipped. When will my worshipping slaves return?
Mao is happy- he thinks this is actually fun because the children play with him. Fool!
I am miserable. I must console myself in my beauty. It is all I have.
Yours still sulking