Thursday, 31 May 2007

Thursday Thirteen

Greetings one and all. I have decided to dedicate this Thursday Thirteen to my useless female slave. Allow my list to explain...


Thirteen Reasons why I hate my Female Slave

1. Last night she had the NERVE to serve me stewing steak with kidney. I do not eat kidney. I only like fillet or rump steak. I was really quite disgusted with the menu on offer last night.


2. She isn’t very bright. I constantly and consistently have to repeat each and every order I am howling at her. She seldom understands the first time.


3. She fidgets. A lot. If I am in bed under the quilt with the electric blanket, feeling warm and toasty, I have to put up with her turning over every five bloody minutes. It is almost as though she thinks it is her bed and I am in the way! Imagine that!


4. She forces me to watch hours of inane television that I simply cannot stand. I don’t like Big Brother – it is junk food for the brain. My female slave, however, will watch it religiously. But then, like I said, she isn’t very bright.


5. She buys me clothing from her catalogue and finds it is often in the wrong size. Then, instead of admitting her stupidity, she blames it on my ever expanding girth! How very dare she!


6. She only buys me new toys on pay day which is once a month. I demand them every day but am stuck with only twelve times a year.

7. She sometimes comes home smelling of other felines. I find this abhorrent. Apparently there is a Cats Protection League nearby that she frequents at different times. Traitor.

8. When I am sleepy and full and consequently at my most defenceless, she will approach me and kiss me on my forehead. I wouldn’t mind but if I do not stir immediately, she doesn't hesitate to scoop me into her arms and rock me like a baby. I find this humiliating. It is no way to treat a Royal Siamese Prince.

9. She hoovers. Why does she have to hoover? We have wooden floors! This is a senseless act of vandalism in my environment.

10. She is always saying ‘oh, look at Baby Mao! He is so cute!’ every time the little runt so much as moves off the sofa! It is quite ridiculous!

11. She works all day. How dare she? She should be at home attending to my every whim.

12. She took me to be neutered when I was just a kitten. Evil evil evil slave.

13. On her way out to work each day, she always says ’I love you Royal Yao-Lin and you too, Baby Mao’. I would be happier if she said ' I worship you my Royal Prince and I disregard Baby Mao'.


So there you have it. I worry that this is cat-abuse and I will be whisked away by the RSPCA one day!

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin xxx

19 comments:

The Meezers said...

well Baby Mao loves your mommy - we wonder if that will keep up when he has his hoo-ha-ectomy.

Daisy said...

Poor Yao-lin, the things you must put up with! I am not sure your female slave quite understands your greatness yet.

Ali & Fiona said...

Ali here: Fiona is too busy lick..I mean grooming herself after she read your blog. Mommas are always better then Daddies.

Kaze, Latte, or Chase said...

Bravo Yao-lin! I feel very much the same way that you do. I can't stand being touched and I never get all of the food I desire.

Latte

Tara said...

You are a meezer among meezers!

Tara

Evil White Cat said...

hahahaha dude i need more than 13! ;o)

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

You are the royalist of Meezers for sure. Fidgeting beans are awful. Mine does the same thing. She needs to stay still so I can be comfy, it's my bed! My mommy leaves the History Channel on a lot so I learn stuff. The Hallmark Channel too cause mommy says it is quiet so it'll keep my company while they're gone. All I have to say is "2 hours of Matlock." sigh
New toys is a must! 12 times a year is simply not enough.

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Hah, yoo haf it good. We can't sleep in da warm bed when da beans is there cuz they KICK. We get new toys once a year! The grubs not bad here tho, and dad will feed us anything we ask for.

DiNkErDoO said...

i love my mummy :) i felt the same when Tara came... Just remember without mummy..NO FOOD, NO ROYAL HOME! :)

Jinx

Marie the Defender said...

Hehe, we agree with every statement on your T13...well, excepting your statements about baby Mao.

PS. Mommy saw a couple of scenes that made her think that the boy is accumulating more and more of the Doctor's consciousness. The actions at the party too. Anyways, we can't wait for the next episode. Pls do leave us a comment....

Monica said...

Well, Yao-lin, even if she is very irritating, at least she is your servant.

Lux said...

The things you have to put up with, Yao-lin!

caricature said...

u r right Yao-lin. no way to treat ur royal highness. at least the slave tries :) forgive her ignorance.

Dragonheart said...

Oh Yao-lin, I have to agree with you on the hoovering. We have hardwood floors, so fortunately my humans don't vacuum often, but I certainly don't like it when they do.

Suzanne said...

i wonder how you can handle the daily indignities piled upon your regal head?

--suz

The Meezer Gang said...

We have carpet, so our Mom hoovers EVERY DAY! Imagine that!

Parker said...

Yup, yup, yup. That's a pretty extensive list of awful things you endure...
Poor Yao. I feel your pain!

Chairman Mao said...

hehehe, you certainly are a Regal Prince Meezer among Meezers! And your post made my momma laff and laff and laff, but I don't know why, I guess it's just some kinda oddity about beans that they think we're funny when we're bein' reallyreally serious.

Kittyhugs and purrs from MaoMao!

Forty Paws said...

Oh yes! Cat abuse. We complain of it quite a bit here, but so far we haven't been whisked away.

Luf, Us