I am exceptionally pleased to report that I am Cheysuli's Sunday Guest Star.
The reason? My comment: "Good luck tomorrow, I will be supporting you all the way. Incidentally I am rapidly running out of interesting things to say in my comments so I will simply say this: I can’t wait until tomorrow night because the neighbours always have chinese food. mm."
Cheysuli, the most impawtant politician of our time, responded thus:
"I want to hear more about the Chinese food. Are these the same neighbors who had the roast lamb? Do they invite you over or are they some sort of hunting preserve? Do tell. You have the best food resources of any cat I know!"
Well, Chey, I will now elaborate for you and all of you food loving cats out there. You know who you are.
When we moved into the new house on 1st August, I was not allowed out for weeks and weeks on end. Consequently, my only food source was the under-cooked steak and Royal Canin the human insists on feeding me. Can you say cat abuse?
As soon as I was allowed out to explore, I followed my nose, hopped over the wall and found, to my delight, a fat human family living very close by. My fat human isn't quite sure how I managed it but within minutes I came home with chips (or fries) in my jaw and proceeded to eat them on the carpet.
I quickly realised I was onto a very good thing and have, on different occasons, come home with the following:
Half a loaf of bread
A roast lamb bone
Chips (or fries)
A slice of roast beef.
The human has heard a 'little yappy dog' going nuts every time I hop over the wall. She has put two and two together and concluded that I am stealing from the dog's bowl.
So there you have it! A fit and proper explanation which also contains an important moral:
If you have a royal cat, feed it properly as it will NOT show loyalty to any human who cannot cook.
Enjoy your Sunday and take notes as required.
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Sunday, 30 September 2007
I am exceptionally pleased to report that I am Cheysuli's Sunday Guest Star.
Thursday, 27 September 2007
Overheard in my palace today:
Female Slave " Guess what Yao-Lin just brought in from outside?"
Male Slave (on phone) : " I don't know..a mouse?"
Female Slave: " No, no, he has gone one better than that. Today, obviously ravenously hungry , he has gone next door and stolen a roast lamb bone, most probably from their kitchen!".
Male Slave: " Well get it away from him, he will make a huge mess with that thing!"
Female Slave: " I would but every time I go near him he starts growling and swiping at me with his paws. I'll just hoover up later".
Yao-Lin : Mwa ha ha ha ha
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Wednesday, 26 September 2007
When you are having a bad week, make sure your human is aware of your displeasure by sitting near the front door and howling incessantly to be let out.
She will worry herself sick that you have plans to run away. Of course, I would never desert my creature comforts, but the slave doesn't know that!
Mwa ha ha
Tuesday, 25 September 2007
Nooo! The human thinks this is a rare moment of affection between Baby Mao and I. It isn't! The whole affair has been hugely distorted and REALLY doesn't warrant a gold photo frame.
I was simply sitting on my throne dozing when stinky Mao decided to sit next to me.
I am building up to the MOTHER of all punishments! How much more does one have to take?
Monday, 24 September 2007
Friday, 21 September 2007
Another Friday and another opportunity to showcase my siamese beauty.
Also, another chance for me to complain - loudly - about the lack of roast beef in my palace. The slave has been promising to cook this for WEEKS and STILL hasn't got round to it. She also had the nerve to come home late from work today.
I have therefore decided to place this advertisement in the Isle of Wight County Press:
Free to good home:
Female slave. Useless at cooking and cleaning but can open a tub of yoghurt. Likes animals, especially cats. Needs to be in a household with many animals - cannot be trusted to take orders from just one feline due to serious lack of intelligence. Delivery can be arranged as soon as possible.
I think that should teach her a lesson!
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Greetings one and all.
Here, for your perusal, are a collection of thirteen photographs, depicting exactly what happens if my human dares to eat yoghurt without giving any to me.
I did warn you, human.
HRH Yao-Lin xxx
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Tuesday, 18 September 2007
Today I received a postcard from Adan!
I apologise if I look somewhat disinterested in these photographs, but I was giving the human the silent treatment because she had just come in from work. Traitor.
I also received a toy but Baby Mao stole it. I will pay him back later.
Thank you Adan & Michico! Gratefully received!
Yours, still giving the human the silent treatment,
HRH Yao-Lin xxx
Monday, 17 September 2007
I have been tagged by Kellie the Orange Cat to inform the world exactly How I Got My Name.
Well, there are two versions of events I can put to you. The first, and my preferred version, goes like this:
The Gods looked down on the earth one warm spring morning, enjoying the sunshine and the sound of the larks. They each agreed that nature is beautiful in its entirety but admitted that you can never, ever have too many beautiful things. " Nothing", said the God of Beauty "is as stunning as a chocolate point Royal Siamese Prince. Let's send him to earth so that he can flit gracefully from place to place with his Siamese brothers".
"Wait," said the God of names, "What shall we call this Royal Prince? It simply must be a name that befits his status on earth and also in Heaven". "Well" replied the God of Beauty, "His name should begin with His Royal Highness, of course..." On hearing my cue, I promptly began yowwwllling in my loudest Siamese voice. The Gods bowed before me before saying " Yao-Lin..what a perfect name for a perfect prince". And that is how I got my name.
The other, more mundane version is this: the name came to the human allegedly 'off the top of her head' and she was really excited to have found such an onomatopoetic name and went around telling everyone how she had thought up this fabulously Siamese name. Then she was reminded that Yao-Lin is actually the name of Gabrielle's maid on Desperate Housewives. Sheepish, she returned home to cook me steak.
So there you have it - two versions of events. Either way, I like my name and I have to admit that I most certainly live up to it!
Now, I should like to tag: Latte, Kaze & Chase and Luxor.
Saturday, 15 September 2007
Friday, 14 September 2007
Ah, it's Friday - finally the end of a frantic week! I look forward to relaxing with my slaves at my beck and call.
I have been tagged by the charming Cheysuli for a Meme: Seven Things About Me!
Now, being the ever popular cat that I am, I have in the past completed many a Meme which allows me to talk endlessly about myself.
Well, as I am my favourite subject, I will continue the tradition. Now, sit down, relax and enjoy! You know you want to!
The guidelines for this tag:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules
2. Write some facts about yourself: some random, some weird, some just plain fun.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them)
4. Let those 7 people know they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.
The challenge is to keep it interesting without making the reader think “Um, too much information…”
Seven things about me…
1. I have never forgiven my human for allowing me to have my hoo ha's cruelly removed. I hold this grudge and in fact, this burning resentment assists my productivity in trashing the house.
2. I do on occasion cuddle with Baby Mao. Only until his smell makes me wretch, and then I'm off.
3. I often howl for no apparent reason. The human panics and thinks something is dreadfully wrong because I will howl constantly for at least half an hour. Of course, any cats reading this will know I am simply orating my displeasure at my current situation...
4. ...that situation being that I am forced to live in a two bedroomed house with a fat chavette. You would howl too, believe me!
5. I have however had success in chasing off all of the neighbouring cats. Some of them won't even leave their houses because the Royal Prince of Siam has arrived! Mwa ha ha!
6. I can be very affectionate. It is usually when I am in a good mood (which doesn't happen often)but the human laps it up for as long as it lasts. Sucker.
7. On my last visit, the V-E-T intimated that I might be a tad overweight. "Please" he said, " not too fat, OK?". The human sniggered until I swiped her with my claw. I won't have her listening to such nonsense.
Now, the cats I should like to tag are: Pyewacket, Jinx, Kelly, Jimmy Joe, Pets are 4 Life , Micky the black cat and anyone else who wants to play along.
Have a wonderful weekend everyone. By the way, have you seen how beautiful Kaze looks in her pink coat today? That coat would hardly fit me!
Ta ta for now
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Thursday, 13 September 2007
Further to the degradation I have endured this past week, I have today, whilst you were at work, taken some much needed disciplinary action.
If you waddle upstairs into the main bedroom, you will notice claw-sized holes in your expensive voile curtains. You know the pretty drapes with the embroidered daisies that everybody compliments? Well, slave - observe with horror how they are now decorated with numerous holes and scratches!
Rest assured that given your behaviour this week I will continue shredding these curtains into pieces. I may eventually use them to stuff my pillow. Mwa ha ha..
There is no point in apologising to me.
Yours, haughty, demanding and disciplinarian
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Special thanks to Maggy & Zoey for this stunning portrayal of a stunning siamese! Congratulations on your wonderful artistic taste!
Highly satisfied purrs
Monday, 10 September 2007
Storm, my furry fighting friend tagged me for the following Meme.
What kind of soap is in your bathtub right now? We have a mint shower gel in the bathroom at the moment. I much prefer royal jelly.
Do you have any watermelon in your refrigerator? No. I don't like it so I won't allow the slaves to buy it.
What would you change about your living room? I would ban Baby Mao from it. Realistically, he should be happy shut away in the upstairs bedroom leaving me to have the run of the living room. This makes perfect sense.
Are the dishes in your dishwasher clean or dirty? We don't have a dishwasher. Unless you count the human slave. She is pretty efficient at washing my dishes!
What is in your fridge? Defrosted steak (for me), coleslaw, salad, tinned pumpkin (for my digstion), natural yoghurt and butter.
White or wheat bread? I am rather partial to banana on granary bread. I think Pixie would like that snack!
What is on top of your refrigerator? A set of knives purchased from the shopping channel. They will never get used and will sit on top of the fridge gathering dust. That is how useless my humans are.
What color or design is on your shower curtain? It is a glass swing-door. Amusingly, the human manages to knock the door open with her large bottom every time she has a shower. Of course I sit and laugh at her.
How many plants are in your home? None, although I have ordered the human to plant some catnip to which she has duly obliged.
Is your bed made right now? Yes of course! I couldn't stand it if my bed wasn't fluffed, tidied and cleaned every day.
Comet or Soft Scrub? I don't know what these are.
Is your closet organized? Only since I ordered the human to do this in my list last week.
Do you drink out of glass or plastic most of the time at home? I have a ceramic bowl however, I insist that I drink out of a pint glass. The human has to stand at the sink as I drink, preferably with the tap running at the same time. Because I'm worth it.
Do you have iced tea made in a pitcher right now? No, we don't do that sort of thing in England!
If you have a garage, is it cluttered? We have a shed in the garden but no garage. I live in poverty. It is so depressing.
How many pillows do you sleep with? One cushion, two blankets, one Baby Mao.
How often do you vacuum? I allow the human to hoover twice a week.
Standard toothbrush or electric? The human is NEVER coming near me with one of those things!
What color is your toothbrush? If I had one, it would be 9 carat gold.
Do you have a welcome mat on your front porch? No because that would invite all of the commoners into my palace. I couldn't stand it.
What is in your oven right now? A tomato pasta bake, ready to go.
Is there anything under your bed? Another bed for me, a selection of cat toys and the electric blanket.
Chore you hate doing the most? Training the human slaves. It is the most difficult task I have ever had partake of.
What retro items are in your home? My humans are chavs and don't really understand retro decor. They are too common.
Do you have a separate room that you use as an office? Sadly not. Like I said, I live in poverty! It is degrading!
How many mirrors are in your home? About seven. I like to surround myself with beauty and can only do this by constantly gazing at my reflection.
What color are your walls? Cream and light peach with patches of poo from Baby Mao. It actually matches the furniture ha ha.
What does your home smell like right now? Poo. I live with Baby Mao, remember?
Favorite candle scent? Vanilla.
What kind of pickles (if any) are in your refrigerator right now? None. I do not care for pickles.
Ever been on your roof? Well, the human thinks not but in actual fact, I quite often sit up there and throw stones at the commoners ...er, I meant to say admiring my kingdom.
How many house phones? Two telephones in the house.
What style do you decorate in? Regal -golds, creams, bronzes.
Do you like solid colors in furniture or prints? Yes, solid colours can be quite striking. Especially when they are chocolate and cream like me!
Is there a smoke detector in your home? There is one in every room. The human sets it off a least twice a week because she is useless at cooking.
In case of fire, what are the items in your house which you’d grab if you only could make one quick trip? The framed photo of myself which sits on the mantlepiece. It is quite beautiful and I could not bear to be apart from it.
Excellent Meme - now I will tag: Jinx & Pyewacket!
Ta ta for now on tuesday
p.s Thank you for your messages of support over yesterdays degradation. Believe me, I have a little something planned for the human by way of payback! Mwa ha ha
Sunday, 9 September 2007
For those of you who aren't aware you can read a story devoted to ME at THIS link.
Due to the subject matter, it is the BEST story on the Internet and includes wonderful pictures of His Royal Highness. Sadly there are a few pictures of Baby Mao but you can ignore them as desired.
Now, I am off to harass the human into cooking my roast chicken dinner. I want it ready by 2:00 pm. She had better not forget the stuffing or there will be hell to pay.
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Thursday, 6 September 2007
Oh look at little Baby Mao in his new hat! How hilarious!
For some unknown reason, he thinks he looks just like a handsome leopard. I am sorry but I am unable to stop laughing.
Much gratitude to Latte for today's fashion! Very amusing. Mwa ha ha ha
Yours, laughing at Baby Mao
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Storm the Furry Fighter has nominated me to receive the Blogging Star Award! Thank you Storm and might I add that you simply could NOT have made a better choice.
The award was created by a bean named Barb at Skittles' Place. This award is for bloggers who shine their light throughout the Blogosphere. Some do it with humor, others with creativity, and others with their kind and thoughtful natures. Barb says says this is what you do if you receive the award:
Proudly display it on your blog along with a link to who gave it to you.
Mention that it originated at Skittles' Place so I can follow its journey.
Pass it on to any blogger(s) you think should have it. My nominees are Hendrix for being so funny in a cute way and Bendrix for being so funny in a more evil way! Also, I would like to nominate Karl from the Cat Realm for his excellent sense of humour and hilarious dares. Needless to say, the nomination also goes to Anastasia but sadly she isn't here to collect it *sigh*.
The human slave has been off work this week. She has been thoroughly lazy so I have taken it upon myself to list thirteen errands she needs to complete before the week is finished. Do you see what I have to put up with?. *sigh*
Thirteen Errands for the Human Slave.
1. Buy steak. Lots of it.
2. Get my water dome working. It hasn't been set up since we moved house and I am NOT best pleased.
3. Sprinkle catnip in my bed. And on my throne.
4. Buy me some sardines. NOT tinned ones. I want fresh ones from the fish counter.
5. Hoover up the cat litter I have just kicked all over the stairs. It is becoming uncomfortable to walk on with my delicate paws.
6. Turn the kitchen tap on and watch as I drink direct from the faucet. I can't very well turn the tap on myself, you know!
7. When I raise my chin during the day, I expect it to be scratched. Each and every time without fail. Understand?
8. Sort out my wardrobe. My clothes are scattered about the place and I demand that they be sorted out, colour co-ordinated, ironed and hung up.
9. You will need to buy an ironing board. You are so lazy you don't even have one yet!
10. By me something nice from the Internet. I don't care what, just something expensive and geared toward felines.
11. Buy a present for Latte. Do it quickly, it has to be shipped to America.
12. You may hoover upstairs tomorrow ONLY. I will not have my sleep disturbed any other day. You will like this arrangement or lump it.
13. Hire the Queen on DVD. I feel the need to reminisce.
Well, I hope every cat has a wonderful day and that their human is more productive and shows more initiative that mine. I despair!
Yours, exhausted as always
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Meezer Rule Wednesday: When there is a contest to find the best way of punishing humans, feel safe in the knowledge that it is your destiny to win. Mwa ha ha.
Bonus rule: When a package of international cat nip arrives on the premises, forget your airs and graces and thoroughly enjoy the moment.
To my nip dealer, Latte: Wow. Import is the best!
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Ok, Ok, I pinched this idea from Skeezix but I still think it is pretty funny. One must learn to laugh at oneself on occasion.
For your amusement!
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Monday, 3 September 2007
Monty asked me for information on the key points of meezer markings. I decided this would be a perfect opportunity to dedicate this Meezer Monday to the wonder that is the Siamese Cat.
How to spot a Siamese cat by HRH Yao-Lin
To spot a Siamese cat, one must firstly disregard any preconceptions one holds about felines in general.
Siamese cats are aware of their royal ancestry from birth. The littlest Siamese kitten knows that its task is to grace the earth with an air of majestic ethereality. So elegant, so graceful, we do not walk, instead choosing to glide effortlessly as we flit from place to place.
With our creamy base coat, rich coloured points and dazzling blue eyes, we Siamese are magnificent to behold. Some might say we are breathtaking. I would have to agree.
Facts about the Siamese Cat
* All Siamese cats have a creamy base coat with coloured points on their noses, ears, paws, lower legs, tails and, in the Princes, their scrota (hoo has). Some say we look rather like we have been dipped in paint. I prefer to think of my markings as my outfit for a grand ball – gloves and mask.
* The main Siamese cat coat markings are as follows:
Seal Point – extremely dark brown, almost black.
Blue Point - Light/cool grey.
Chocolate point – lighter brown.
Lilac point – pale warm gray.
Out crosses with other breeds developed Siamese-mix cats with points in other cat colours and patterns including red point, lynx (tabby) point, and tortoise-shell ("tortie") point.
* Our points are actually influenced by temperature. Our markings show on the coolest areas of our bodies (ears/paws/tails etc).
* Siamese cats are exceptionally intelligent. 9 out of 10 Siamese cats scored higher in IQ tests than their humans.
* Siamese cats are vocal. We will clearly communicate our wants and our wishes. I would advise any human to listen.
* Siamese cats are known for longevity, some of us reaching up to 19 years of age. This is almost adequate time in which to train our humans.
* If you look closely, you will see that your Siamese kitten is wearing a tiara. This is standard Siamese marking and has been on your kitten since birth. It should never EVER be removed.
For further information, I would recommend this website and this one.
Yours, proud to be Siamese