Saturday, 9 June 2007

First Five Days Meme

I was tagged by Fiona and Ali for this Meme. Much appreciated!

So, here we have a glimpse of the first five days of my life with my human slaves. This is disturbing reading - I would advise the more sensitive of you not to read on.

Day One:

Am wrenched from the palace in which I was born. Arrive in a house that can comparatively be called a hovel. Ignore the two stupid humans as they fuss and fawn over my kittenish beauty. Watch them with utter contempt for a few minutes, before hiding under the cabinet. Am too disgusted with my new abode to socialise. Cannot believe I have to live in such conditions. Wonder where my other slave/breeder is. Wonder why she betrayed me. Feel wretched, and bitter. Howl very loudly to show my displeasure. Howl some more. Am picked up and brought into the large bed in which the humans sleep. Rest under the covers, too exhausted to move. Cannot believe I have to share a bed with stinky humans. Eventually fall asleep.

Day Two: Still disgusted with my abode. Why does a Royal Siamese Prince only have four rooms? Where are the stairs and the other slaves? Am served cat food. Cat food!! Wonder what these humans take me for. Cannot believe they have not had previous experience of servitude to a Royal Siamese. Wonder how the humans cope with day to day life as they obviously can't cook or take orders. Howl lots. Howl some more. Feel horrified as the humans serve themselves spaghetti bologneise and neglect to serve any for me. Steal some from the male human's plate. Notice that he seems dopey and a little more stupid than the female. Laugh as he eventually tries to push me away. Steal food from the female human. Apparently she finds it cute. Realise they are both equal in stupidity. Begin to hatch a plan of escape.

Day Three: Am served cat food (again). Pretend to be sick after sniffing it. Am served a proper cooked dinner. Feel as though I am making progress. Train the slave to play fetch with me. Listen to 'ooh's' and ahh's of delight. Look at them both with hostility. Cannot believe they have never seen a cat play fetch before. Wait until they are asleep before ignoring the scratch post in favour of the sofa. Move onto the book shelf. Knock all the ornaments over. Feel exhausted but pleased with all of my hard work. Scratch the male slave on the face until he lifts the covers so I can sleep.

Day Four: Am alone all day. Cannot believe I do not have a human slave at my beck and call. Look for escape route. None found. Feel angry, and bored. Amuse myself by scracthing furniture, knocking over cd's, kicking litter all over the floor and strategically placing poo prints all over the counter and pillows. Manage to crawl under quilt on giant bed. Sleep. Am awoken by humans returning from work. Cannot believe they have the nerve to awaken me. Shout at them for an hour until they cook me dinner. Am served steak. Feel pleased with the menu and make mental note to refuse all other culinary offerings from now on. Bite human slave when she tries to pet me. Laugh at the expression on her face. Roll around on the floor to show cute tummy. Bite her again when she moves in for a cuddle. Laugh once more at her stupidity.

Day Five: Am offered toys. I ignore them in favour of watching the fish tank. Am bought a plush 'cat bed'. Refuse to sleep in it. Knock over guitar. Cannot believe how much noise it makes. Watch human pick it up. Knock it over again. Laugh. Learn that net curtains rip when pulled. Set about ripping them all. Have by now created small hole in the sofa. Work on making it bigger. Spot male slave eating trifle. Insist on licking some from the spoon. Human seems bemused. Realise I will have to work much harder to instill fear. Reflect on past week. Realise the humans need me far more than I need them. Feel proud as I fully embrace the mammoth task of training these two idiots. Chuckle to self as they once again fuss and fawn over me.

So, there you have it - I hope it wasn't too upsetting. I am quite the martyr, you know. Of course, it went steadily downhill from then on, what with the hoo-ha-ectomy and the onslaught of Baby Mao. But that is another story.

Anyway, enjoy your Sunday everyone. I believe I am having roast beef today.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin


p.s - I tag Daisy, Miles meezer and Jinx


Ali & Fiona said...

Oh Yao-lin if you lived with me at least I could groom you and we could hack up furballs on the humans while they sleep.

Purrs & Cuddles,


Daisy said...

Poor Yao-Lin! I am very surprised that your castle was not built before they brought you home. The things you must put up with!

Dragonheart said...

Wow Yao-linb, you managed to accomplish a lot during your first five days. You were well on your way to training your slaves.

Tara said...

Sounds like you got off to a really good start! Are they completely trained now?

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

And the training continues...Poor Yao-lin, the torment and all the WORK yoo must do just to be able to survive.

Marie the Defender said...

Oh dear, what a traumatic start! But at least you realize that you have got them working for you.

I didn't realize that there are so many ways to amuse yourself and keep mommy and daddy in line. Must try some of them....


PS. Did you watch Dr Who last nite? Was it good???

Marie the Defender said...

OH MY CAT!!!! That last Dr Who episode was DA BOMB!! Have you seen it yet???

caricature said...

Yao-Lin you are simply regal. Glad you decided to instill some of your royalty into humans by graciously deciding to teach us :)

Parker said...

Gosh, they really do take so much training! What a chore!

The Meezers said...

HAHAHAHAHA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAgaspHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yao-lin that was wonderful. I feel so sorry for you fough. I will post mine Monday - Miles

Lux said...

Why is my mom laughing??? Does she not realize the gravity of what you went through???

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

Oh poor Yao-lin, those early days must've been awful. I can't believe the home wasn't designed to your specifictions with a fridge full of juicy steak when you got ther!
When does baby Mao get his snip snip done BTW?

Katie said...

What a fun meme! It was nice reading about your first five days with your humans. How is the training going?

Chairman Mao said...

Wowie, Yao-lin, sounds real tough, but I gotta hand it to ya, you're a furry patient Royal Highness and super bin... benni... benna... (MOMMA!! how d'ya spell that...) benevolent to your beanslaves.

Kittyhugs and purrs from MaoMao!

jcfloresinc said...

Yao-lin, you are so funny. That was an interesting first 5 days. Do your slaves do everything you tell them yet? You rule!!!
Samantha, Tigger and Mom

Cheysuli said...

Absolutely horrifing, but most of these stories are. I hope my kits didn't suffer so--but then I did, so how can I hope otherwise for them?

The Cat Realm said...

What a wonderful story! We like your attitude a lot!!! Might call you the "Great Slave Master Trainer". By now they are probably fully cat broken.
Good work! We think humans should go to rigorous training before trying to apply for a job with us!
We are relentless with our personal and it sounds like you are too! We are glad we finally found you.
Karl and Anastasia

Junior said...

Oh my gosh Yao! What a horrible time you had! I hope your slaves have learned things by now and are trying to take proper care of you!