Thursday Thirteen

The human slave has been off work this week. She has been thoroughly lazy so I have taken it upon myself to list thirteen errands she needs to complete before the week is finished. Do you see what I have to put up with?. *sigh*

Thirteen Errands for the Human Slave.

1. Buy steak. Lots of it.

2. Get my water dome working. It hasn't been set up since we moved house and I am NOT best pleased.

3. Sprinkle catnip in my bed. And on my throne.

4. Buy me some sardines. NOT tinned ones. I want fresh ones from the fish counter.

5. Hoover up the cat litter I have just kicked all over the stairs. It is becoming uncomfortable to walk on with my delicate paws.

6. Turn the kitchen tap on and watch as I drink direct from the faucet. I can't very well turn the tap on myself, you know!

7. When I raise my chin during the day, I expect it to be scratched. Each and every time without fail. Understand?

8. Sort out my wardrobe. My clothes are scattered about the place and I demand that they be sorted out, colour co-ordinated, ironed and hung up.

9. You will need to buy an ironing board. You are so lazy you don't even have one yet!

10. By me something nice from the Internet. I don't care what, just something expensive and geared toward felines.

11. Buy a present for Latte. Do it quickly, it has to be shipped to America.

12. You may hoover upstairs tomorrow ONLY. I will not have my sleep disturbed any other day. You will like this arrangement or lump it.

13. Hire the Queen on DVD. I feel the need to reminisce.

Well, I hope every cat has a wonderful day and that their human is more productive and shows more initiative that mine. I despair!

Yours, exhausted as always


HRH Yao-Lin

Instructions for the slave

Dear Slave

I understand we are moving house on Tuesday. I see you, running around packing in a flurry of panic and I feel a small amount of pity for you.

Now, in order that this 'moving' experience be as stress free and coordinated as possible, I have a few demands that you will fulfill.

1. I do not wish to be disturbed during my usual nap time. Do not move me to the new house until I am well rested and have stirred from my slumber.

2. Feed me steak served on a bed of carrots before I leave the old house. I will NOT be happy if I am hungry.

3. I demand a separate vehicle. A horse drawn carriage would be best. I do not want to travel in the cat carrier with a certain stinky cat.

4. Come to think of it, I demand a gold satin cushion placed within the horse drawn carriage for maximum comfort and style. I also want several human slaves accompanying me on the journey. They may feed me sardines and/or temptations and may sprinkle catnip around the carriage. They may also kiss my paws but not too often.

5. I assume you have made arrangements for the commoners to line the streets on my arrival? They may stand either side of the red carpet, but not too close to me. Ensure they too have bags of 'nip with which to shower me when I am near.

6. It goes without saying, my throne and my bed will be ready upon my arrival. I have no doubt I will be exhausted from the ten minute journey.

I am sad that my passport has not arrived in time for me to emigrate to Siam. For now, I will remain your Royal Master.

I bid you adieu


HRH Yao-Lin