Monday 31 March 2008

A Meme on Monday

The adorable Cheysuli tagged me for the Book Meme.

Here are the rules:

1. Pick up the nearest book.

2. Open to page 123

3. Find the fifth sentence.

4. Post the next three sentences.

5. Tag five people and post a comment to Mickey once you have posted it.

Due to the fact that my human is fat AND incredibly stupid, I found it exceedingly difficult to lay my paws on any good books. After hours of hunting, I eventually dug out one of my favourite novels:

A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

The content of this book is inspirational. A young lady is thrust into a life of starvation and drudgery. As unbearable as it becomes,she uses her resourcefulness to make her dreadful situation better. Sound familiar?

But I digress - as per the meme, the following sentences are from the book:

' It was not a very long chase. The Monkey prolonged it a few minutes evidently for the fun of it, but presently he sprang chattering onto Ram Dass's shoulder and sat there chattering and clinging to his neck with a weird little skinny arm. Ram Dass thanked Sara profoundly.'

Now, I should like to tag:

Daisy the curly cat

Storm the Furry Fighter

Jimmy Joe


Marie the Defender

Friday 28 March 2008

Fashion Friday

I have well and truly had it with my human slave.

Bunnykicking hasn't kicked her in to shape. Neither has trashing the house.

I have been left with little choice but to take up boxing. Maybe THAT will teach her a lesson.

Here I am, ready for a fight...

I'm warming up...

Stretching my neck muscles...

Doing some press ups...

Ever mindful that I am the CHAMP!

Come on human, come out from your hiding place...


YAO-LIN = 10 HUMAN = 0.


Have a great weekend everyone! I think mine will be FUN for a change!

HRH Yao-Lin xxx

Tuesday 25 March 2008

Tattle Tail Tuesday

As you are all aware, I live in a constant state of near-death starvation.

If it weren't for the food offered by the kind cats of the blogosphere, I am sure I would be just a memory by now.

So with that in mind, today's tattle is a tail of how I cope.

Yao-Lin: " Yoooowwwwwwwllllll"

Baby Mao: " Maoooooooooo"

Human slave: " No boys, I'm not going to feed you. I cooked you Alaskan Pollock this morning served on a bed of carrots. I'm afraid you will have to wait until later."

Later that day...

Human slave: " Yao-Lin - where the frick did you get that naan bread? Yuck! Stop dragging it all over the carpet!"

Yao-Lin *snigger*

Later still....

Human: " Baby Mao! Where the frick did you get that chicken? It stinks of curry! It's staining the freaking rug! Give it here! ".

The moral of the story is this: feed your cat whenever he demands. Otherwise he will steal food from the neighbours.

This story is true and represents actual events over the Easter weekend. Sadly, the slave neglected to obtain photographic evidence as she was busy cleaning up the curry stains on the carpet.


Revenge is mine!

HRH Yao-Lin x

Sunday 23 March 2008

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to all of my adoring fans.

The human went out for dinner today. She had a Sunday roast with all of the trimmings.

This means she will not be cooking for me today.


I hope the stupid fat human enjoyed her stupid fat dinner as she shovelled it into her stupid fat mouth.

I am not going to eat the cat food she has placed in my bowl. I WANT ROAST BEEF. I WANT YORKSHIRE PUDDINGS. I WANT SPROUTS IN GRAVY.

Yours, faint from lack of sustenance

HRH Yao-Lin

Friday 21 March 2008

Fairytale Fashion Friday


Please enjoy this Fairytale Fashion Friday. I have a sneaking suspicion you will.

Have a wonderful Easter weekend my subjects. The human says Easter is early this year because of the spring equinox and something to do with the full moon.

The human is wrong.

Easter is early this year so that I may dine on roast beef and roast turkey on a day that suits my liking.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have a millie bed to fiercely protect.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin xx

Wednesday 19 March 2008

Meezer Rule Wednesday

Meezer Rule...

Always obtain photographic evidence of grave injustices.

For more meezer rules, visit Simply Siamese.

Yours, sulking in my new millie bed

HRH Yao-Lin

Sunday 16 March 2008

Meezer St Patrick Monday

Happy St Patrick's Day, my loyal and adoring subjects!

Please enjoy these photographs. Ordinarily, I would never dress as an Irish Dancer but the human gave me two pints of guinness prior to the photoshoot so I was in a surprisingly jovial mood!

Here are some facts about St Patrick:

1. At the age of 16, St Patrick was captured by a rogue band of siamese cats and taken to be a human slave.

2. He was a slave to several generations of siamese royalty, before returning to his family at the age of 6.

3. Legend credits Patrick with banishing snakes from Ireland although facts show that it was actually his pet cat, Paddy who drove out mice, not snakes.

4. Legend also credits St Patrick with teaching the Irish about the concept of the Trinity by showing people the shamrock, a 3-leaved clover.

5. Legend is clearly wrong. St Patrick was actually preaching the benefits of catnip, ensuring he always had a steady supply on hand.

So there you have it - the truth behind the legend of St Patrick.

Have a wonderful day and try not to drink too much guinness!

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin

Saturday 15 March 2008

An Award on Saturday

My wonderful subjects Eric and Flynn have given me this award.

This award was originally created by Tesla who said "I award this to every cat that defends its fortress and castle against evil!"

I am so touched to receive this that I am speechless, so I will instead use Eric & Flynn's words:

"We would like to award it to HRH Yao-lin furr overcoming his human's shortcomings, purrtikkerly the evil way she deserted him on his Purrfday wivout so much as a purrezunt, and furr all the uvver hardships he has to endure. We really feel furr you Yao-lin. We wish we could haf helped you wiv the house trashing, but our innernets stopped us furrom visiting".

My friends, my loyal subjects - clearly you understand my daily suffering. I am ever hopeful that your humans will jump on the boat to the Isle of Wight and rescue me from this life of drudgery. I can quite imagine myself lolling amongst the hay bales, the sun warming my gloriously shiny fur. *sigh*

I would like to pass this award on to:

Cheysuli who defends her fortress against the evil paparazzi on a daily basis.

Jimmy Joe who resides in a fortress with a dog and presumably has to defend his territory against canine visitors!

Have a wonderful weekend, my loyal friends.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin x

Thursday 13 March 2008

Thursday Thank You Thirteen

Thank you to my darling adorable subjects amongst the cat blogosphere.

The house got well and truly trashed last night. On the itinerary:

1. The curtains are shredded.

2. There are copious amounts of cat poo, cat puke and cat fur all over the bed.

3. The water bowl got kicked over.

4. The litter tray was scattered all over the bedroom carpet. Bliss!

5. Poo prints. Not just Baby Mao's. Everyones! All over the counters!

6. Somebody yakked cat grass all over the bedroom carpet and bed. Well done!

7. The furniture has been scratched - shredded - wood everywhere!

8. The leather chairs are now fit only for the bin men.

9. Whoever whapped the ornaments off the shelves - you did a great job!

10. Catnip. All over the living room carpet. I think some of it is in my bed, too.

11. Jewellery. Whapped all over the floor!

12. Fur - all over the human's clothes!

13. And one stupid human slave, bunnykicked by several cats.


Yours, touched beyond words

HRH Yao-Lin xxx

Tuesday 11 March 2008

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry If I Want To

Today is my birthday.

YaoLin Birthday 2

The human stupidly believes that a blinged up photo of me will compensate for a lack of actual birthday photos.

Allow me to elaborate.

I awoke this morning to see the human slave rushing around, getting ready for work.

Yes, you heard me correctly. She actually abandoned me on my birthday. She chose to work instead of spending the day with me ON MY SPECIAL DAY.

Mortified, I sauntered into the living room, only to find...nothing. No presents. Not a thing.

Well, apart from the obligatory poo print placed by you-know-who.

Suffice to say, this day - my second birthday - is even worst than my first.

Happy birthday to me. NOT.

Yours, sobbing inconsolably

HRH Yao-Lin x

Monday 10 March 2008

Moody Meezer Monday

Oh I am moody indeed.

This is the worst Monday. Ever.

Stressed and frazzled, I have decided to take a leaf from the Cat Realm's blog and attempt to relax my beautiful tired eyes with cucumber. I think it is working.

So why am I so moody today? My reasons are twofold:

1. Somecat stole my towel turban so I cannot wash and dry my beautiful ears.

2. Apparently a blind panel of judges decided to award first prize to Baby Mao for the Spring has Sprung contest.

I am happy to have helped raise money for a good cause but honestly, HOW could Baby Mao have won? There were so many fabulous entries and NONE of them involved poo.

I have to repeat my old adage: Baby Mao only wins contests because you can't smell him through the Internet.

I am too distressed to add any further comments on this matter. I must return to hunting for my towel turban.

Ta ta for now


HRH Yao-Lin x

Friday 7 March 2008

Frootbat Friday - Baby Mao Strikes Again

Sat on the stairs, what do I see?

A little brown poo print, NOT placed by me!.

Truly, my little brother is disgusting.

Speaking of disgusting things, the human is glued to Crufts on the TV tonight. She keeps making ridiculous 'squee' noises each time they introduce a new dog.

It's extremely pathetic and slightly unnerving. She had better not think of introducing one of those cretins into my palace. I have enough to contend with as it is.

Have a wonderful weekend. Mine will be dreadful, as always.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin x

Thursday 6 March 2008

Thursday Thirteen

My human slave is stupid. Fact. With that in mind, please take a moment to reflect on the following:

Thirteen Stupid Things My Human Slave Has Said This Week:

1. "How on earth did those paw prints get all over the wall?"

2. "Yao-Lin, did you puke on my work shoes?".

3. "Please, Yao-Lin, I can't give you all of my attention when I am cooking your dinner. It's actually quite dangerous!".

4. "Please get off my pillow, cats. I can't breath with both your a*ses in my face".

5. "Please, cats, don't jump on my tummy when I am fast asleep. It really hurts me when I get winded"!

6. "Please, Baby Mao, stop climbing up the curtains. You've already ripped them and I don't think they will last much longer".

7. "Do I have to share my breakfast with you everyday Yao-Lin?"

8. "WHY are you bunnykicking my leg, Yao-Lin? I wasn't even doing anything to annoy you!"

9. "I cannot believe Derren Brown is gay. I am devastated. I really truly thought he was the One. He was supposed to meet me at one of his gigs and instantly fall in love with me. FOR THE LOVE OF BAST, WHY???"

10. "Come and give Mummy a cuddle, Yao-Lin, she's feeling fragile after hearing the tragic news about Derren."

11."Yao-Lin - since when do you like eating pasta drizzled with olive oil? I thought this was the one meal I could enjoy all to myself."

12. "There's a special offer on cooked chicken but I don't think the cats could eat more than one."

13. "Yao-Lin, was it you who left a trail of poo prints all over my clean laundry?".

See what I mean? I live with a complete idiot.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin xx

Tuesday 4 March 2008

Tattle Tail Tuesday

Dearest Baby Mao,

Next time you decide to secretly gatecrash Diamond's Irish Pub , DO NOT bring my Royal name into ill-repute by using the above (legal) tender.

I will NOT have my beautiful face associated with your drunken and drug fuelled party nights.

You have been warned.

HRH Yao-Lin


P.S My loyal subjects may, however, use the above royal note for their various purchases. I think you will find the Siamese Pound is far stronger than the American Dollar and consequently will enable you to purchase far more nip.

Monday 3 March 2008

Meezer Monday.

I am DELIGHTED to report that I WON The Cat Realm's Red Carpet contest!

Ok, perhaps I didn't win the ENTIRE contest - I won the category for BEST MALE REAL OUTFIT!

It has taken forever for me to win one of these competitions. It's usually stinky Baby Mao that wins these things by playing the 'cute' card. He only succeeds because you can't smell him through internet. Honestly.

Supper tonight is coley fish served on a bed of steamed rice. So with that in mind, I have to dash off and climb the human's back as she cooks.

Before I dash, I should like to say thank you to The Cat Realm for hosting such a dazzling event, and thanks also to my adoring subjects for voting in my favour. I leave you with a photograph of me by way of sincerest thanks.

Ta ta for now

HRH Yao-Lin x