I understand we are moving house on Tuesday. I see you, running around packing in a flurry of panic and I feel a small amount of pity for you.
Now, in order that this 'moving' experience be as stress free and coordinated as possible, I have a few demands that you will fulfill.
1. I do not wish to be disturbed during my usual nap time. Do not move me to the new house until I am well rested and have stirred from my slumber.
2. Feed me steak served on a bed of carrots before I leave the old house. I will NOT be happy if I am hungry.
3. I demand a separate vehicle. A horse drawn carriage would be best. I do not want to travel in the cat carrier with a certain stinky cat.
4. Come to think of it, I demand a gold satin cushion placed within the horse drawn carriage for maximum comfort and style. I also want several human slaves accompanying me on the journey. They may feed me sardines and/or temptations and may sprinkle catnip around the carriage. They may also kiss my paws but not too often.
5. I assume you have made arrangements for the commoners to line the streets on my arrival? They may stand either side of the red carpet, but not too close to me. Ensure they too have bags of 'nip with which to shower me when I am near.
6. It goes without saying, my throne and my bed will be ready upon my arrival. I have no doubt I will be exhausted from the ten minute journey.
I am sad that my passport has not arrived in time for me to emigrate to Siam. For now, I will remain your Royal Master.
I bid you adieu
Saturday, 28 July 2007