Today, the human had the NERVE to come home smelling of these:
I was disgusted by the smell of these little pups. I was even more disgusted when the human slave turned to me and said " you know, Yao-Lin, if I didn't have two cats I would have brought one of these little chaps home".
Just to reiterate to everyone: my life is terrible.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
Today, the human had the NERVE to come home smelling of these:
Thursday, 28 June 2007
After my meeting with Tony Blair I started to wonder what the former Prime Minister could possibly do with his time now that he is no longer running the country.
So, this week's Thursday Thirteen is dedicated to our former leader and lists Thirteen Things Tony Blair can do now that he is unemployed:
1. Campaign to keep Nip legal.
2. Go and lay flowers on Humphrey's grave. It is least he can do, after kicking him out of number 10!
3. Ditch his cat hating wife. For that reason alone!
4. Open a Cats home.
5. Assist us Meezers in taking back Siam. Surely he has international contacts?
6. Go busking on the underground and donate any proceeds to the Cats Protection League.
7. Become a cat blogger!
8. Get neutered. Well, he is too old to have any more kittens anyway!
9. Join me, Eric and Flynn in the Siamese/Gingers Alliance Party (Blair is a ginger if you ask me!).
10. Go and get inspired by Cheysuli and Cato - surely he is in awe of their political prowess?
11. Campaign to get the Human Rights Act amended to include the Feline Rights Act.
12. Sign on to Job Seekers Allowance.
13. Try his hardest to become Bush's kitten instead of his puppy. *snigger*
Sadly, I have been pipped to the post by Gordon Brown so I am not yet the British Prime Minister. It will happen, maybe by the next election, maybe sooner but I have one message for this Gordon Brown fellow: Watch out chubby, I'm coming for you!
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 11:22
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Tuesday, 26 June 2007
See? See this? Is it amusing? NO! Is it funny for me? NO! Is it undignified and deeply unfunny? (That was a rhetorical question).
I am a serious Siamese. I am going into politics. I can't stand for this treatment.
Mark my words Baby Mao, when I am running the country, you'll see some changes around here.
Stroppy as always
Monday, 25 June 2007
Sunday, 24 June 2007
I was tagged by both Casey and Dragonheart for the following Meme! The thing I love most about meme's is the title: ME ME! Appreciative purrs to you both.
1. Favorite season? Winter. Food, sleep, electric blanket, slaves at my beck and call.
2} Favorite colors? Well, purple obviously as it is a royal colour. I am also partial to guiness colours because they match my points (i.e cream and brown).
3} Favorite room? Any room where Baby Mao is not in the vicinity. I just like some peace and quiet from time to time, you understand of course?
4} Do you like dogs? No. I met a giant white dog once who was overly friendly. I feel uncomfortable around displays of affection from animals with whom I am not well acquanited. I found the dog very common and decided to look down my nose at it. Riff raff, I am sure you will agree?
6} Do you have to get bathed? No. If my humans even so much as thought of doing this, I would severely reprimand them. They know it isn't worth it.
7} Are you in love? Well, you all know who I love the most and I know that you can't blame me! I am so wonderful! I also love Fiona because we are soul mates.
8} Where would you like to travel to? I am in the process of applying for my passport because I want to take back Siam.
9} What do you ignore? I have no choice but to ignore the waft of poo smell that follows Baby Mao wherever he goes. I also ignore the humans when they fuss and fawn over me. This happens a lot. I run by the motto ' treat em mean and keep em keen'. It really does work.
10} How many lives have you used up? One. I actually fell down a huge tree when I was just a boy. I have not climbed a tree since. I demand to be lifted up instead.
11} Do you have any dark secrets? Yes. I intend to overthrow the British Government. I am waiting for Tony Blair to step down before I push Gordon Brown from his post and declare British Parliament Siamese Territory.
12} What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. Presents and a huge feast.
13} Water or milk? Water. It keeps one looking youthful.
14} Why do you blog? To show the world how wonderful I am and to gain appreciation in response. Oh, and to make new friends, of course.
15} Are you into extremes? Extreme discipline. The humans' just won't learn without the occasonal bite or scratch.
16} Favorite TV shows? Same as Casey: Dr Who. It gives me ideas on taking over the world.
17} Are you a pesty lap cat? Only very occasionally. Of course, I am not considered pesty because the humans feel so excited that I am acknowledging them, they positively gleam with delight. It is quite pathetic!
18} Inside or outside cat? I do like to wander outside occasionally but I mainly stay indoors. I panic if my slaves are not nearby. Who can fetch me food if I am on my own outside?
19} What makes you happy? I am so incredibly spoiled that nothing actually makes me happy anymore. No matter how many toys I am bought or how much worship is bestowed upon me, I still scowl and throw temper tantrums. I don't even get excited over roast dinners any longer. I blame the humans for this.
20} Your most embarrassing moment? I threw a two day temper tantrum when Baby Mao came to live with me. I am not proud of this - I actually lashed out at both the slaves and the little white runt who was invading my space. Looking back, I should have been much more stoic in my approach. I was only young though, so it is understandable.
Right, I am going to tag: Cheysuli, Jinx and Parker.
Saturday, 23 June 2007
Friday, 22 June 2007
Thursday, 21 June 2007
I have been feeling a little poetic today. I really wanted to write a love poem for beautiful Fiona but, sadly, my ego just couldn't muster the words. So, I shall revert to form and write about the one I love the most:
How Do I Love Me?
How do I love Me? Let me count the ways.
I love me to the width and girth and height
My paws can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and Royal grace
I love me to the level of everyday's
Most noisy need, by steak and candlelight.
I love me freely, as cats strive for rights;
I love me purely, as I turn towards praise.
I love me with a passion put to use
In my long claws , and with my kittenhood's faith.
I love me with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost hoo ha's, I love me with the purrs,
Smiles, yowls, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
I shall but love me better after supper.
Fiona, I can't love any cat as much as I love myself. It is the Meezer in me. You, however, come a VERY close second. I hope you understand.
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Wednesday, 20 June 2007
Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Well, the house-hunting hasn't been going very well. The human's said they couldn't afford the rent at Buckingham Palace. I wasn't best pleased but then I started thinking about property abroad and how it is generally cheaper than in good old blighty.
I found this little place, in Thailand which, as every cat knows, was formerly called Siam - so I think it is meant to be!
I also bumped into this chap, who has willingly agreed to become my new slave:
So, I just have to find out about airport restrictions (like quarantines) and I will be on my way. I never really liked my English slaves anyway, so I think I might just leave them behind.
Ta ta for now
Monday, 18 June 2007
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 12:10
Saturday, 16 June 2007
I told you earlier in the week that I was assisting the humans in house hunting. Well, I am rather excited because I have stumbled upon this little pad. What do you think? An abode befitting a prince?
Now, I just have to ensure the human gets another four jobs to pay the rent for this pad!
Friday, 15 June 2007
I feel the need to ask myself the following: How do I ALWAYS manage to look exceptionally peeved in every photograph I am in? The answer: well if the human would stop pushing that camera in my face I wouldn't look quite so annoyed, would I?
I was going to edit out the red eye but I felt it made me look a devilishly handsome frootbat!
Anyway, it is Friday and I have business upon which I must attend. Like visiting the new blog dedicated to us Siamese cats. Honestly, it's like a royal tea party over there!
I bid you adieu
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Thursday, 14 June 2007
Today, I have decided to dedicate my Thursday Thirteen to the number of random google searches that have led people to my blog. So, here they are - and I warn you, humans are so weird !!
1. Slave Underdog.
2. Female Slave Abuse. (Well, I at least hope my site satisfied their curiosity a little bit!).
3. Cat abuse.
4. Door Yawnings. (What?? Don't they mean Awnings?).
5. Mao Cat
6. Nimra the Cat
7. Sit on his head and fart. (Oh, this is by far my favourite google search. Ha ha).
8. Children Eat Floss.
9. Male Slave
10. Yao Furry
11. Catsy Can
12. Baby Tagging
So there you have it : proof that all those humans surfing the internet highway are really really strange creatures. Unless of course they are helping their cats blog. That is acceptable. The rest of them are beyond help!
Ta ta for now
Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
Message to male slave: If you try to hold me against my will, I will use my fabulously long and sharp claws to inflict pain. I will not be held accountable for this. You do not pick up His Royal Highness when he does NOT wish to be picked up.
Message to female slave: Do not try to take cute pictures of me when I am not in the mood. I will flash my lazer eyes at you and you will frazzle. Understand?
See how terrible my life is?
Sulking and moody
Monday, 11 June 2007
The humans are talking about moving house in a couple of months. I don't trust their judgement in the slightest so I have decided to take full control of the situation. Here I am, flicking through the portfolio of potential properties. Sadly their budget cannot afford a grand palace. I suppose I will be OK as long as I get my own bedroom. It is the least they can do.
Yours, looking busy and important,
HRH Yao-Lin xx
Saturday, 9 June 2007
I was tagged by Fiona and Ali for this Meme. Much appreciated!
So, here we have a glimpse of the first five days of my life with my human slaves. This is disturbing reading - I would advise the more sensitive of you not to read on.
Am wrenched from the palace in which I was born. Arrive in a house that can comparatively be called a hovel. Ignore the two stupid humans as they fuss and fawn over my kittenish beauty. Watch them with utter contempt for a few minutes, before hiding under the cabinet. Am too disgusted with my new abode to socialise. Cannot believe I have to live in such conditions. Wonder where my other slave/breeder is. Wonder why she betrayed me. Feel wretched, and bitter. Howl very loudly to show my displeasure. Howl some more. Am picked up and brought into the large bed in which the humans sleep. Rest under the covers, too exhausted to move. Cannot believe I have to share a bed with stinky humans. Eventually fall asleep.
Day Two: Still disgusted with my abode. Why does a Royal Siamese Prince only have four rooms? Where are the stairs and the other slaves? Am served cat food. Cat food!! Wonder what these humans take me for. Cannot believe they have not had previous experience of servitude to a Royal Siamese. Wonder how the humans cope with day to day life as they obviously can't cook or take orders. Howl lots. Howl some more. Feel horrified as the humans serve themselves spaghetti bologneise and neglect to serve any for me. Steal some from the male human's plate. Notice that he seems dopey and a little more stupid than the female. Laugh as he eventually tries to push me away. Steal food from the female human. Apparently she finds it cute. Realise they are both equal in stupidity. Begin to hatch a plan of escape.
Day Three: Am served cat food (again). Pretend to be sick after sniffing it. Am served a proper cooked dinner. Feel as though I am making progress. Train the slave to play fetch with me. Listen to 'ooh's' and ahh's of delight. Look at them both with hostility. Cannot believe they have never seen a cat play fetch before. Wait until they are asleep before ignoring the scratch post in favour of the sofa. Move onto the book shelf. Knock all the ornaments over. Feel exhausted but pleased with all of my hard work. Scratch the male slave on the face until he lifts the covers so I can sleep.
Day Four: Am alone all day. Cannot believe I do not have a human slave at my beck and call. Look for escape route. None found. Feel angry, and bored. Amuse myself by scracthing furniture, knocking over cd's, kicking litter all over the floor and strategically placing poo prints all over the counter and pillows. Manage to crawl under quilt on giant bed. Sleep. Am awoken by humans returning from work. Cannot believe they have the nerve to awaken me. Shout at them for an hour until they cook me dinner. Am served steak. Feel pleased with the menu and make mental note to refuse all other culinary offerings from now on. Bite human slave when she tries to pet me. Laugh at the expression on her face. Roll around on the floor to show cute tummy. Bite her again when she moves in for a cuddle. Laugh once more at her stupidity.
Day Five: Am offered toys. I ignore them in favour of watching the fish tank. Am bought a plush 'cat bed'. Refuse to sleep in it. Knock over guitar. Cannot believe how much noise it makes. Watch human pick it up. Knock it over again. Laugh. Learn that net curtains rip when pulled. Set about ripping them all. Have by now created small hole in the sofa. Work on making it bigger. Spot male slave eating trifle. Insist on licking some from the spoon. Human seems bemused. Realise I will have to work much harder to instill fear. Reflect on past week. Realise the humans need me far more than I need them. Feel proud as I fully embrace the mammoth task of training these two idiots. Chuckle to self as they once again fuss and fawn over me.
So, there you have it - I hope it wasn't too upsetting. I am quite the martyr, you know. Of course, it went steadily downhill from then on, what with the hoo-ha-ectomy and the onslaught of Baby Mao. But that is another story.
Anyway, enjoy your Sunday everyone. I believe I am having roast beef today.
Ta ta for now
p.s - I tag Daisy, Miles meezer and Jinx
Friday, 8 June 2007
Way back in February, I posted this pic of myself looking absolutely dashing in my army outfit. I felt I should post this one again for those cats who have not yet had the chance to drool at this handsome specimen. Plus, I promised Fiona I would post a picture just for her and I thought she might like this one!
Have a lovely evening everycat. I had Moroccan Lamb chops for dinner, followed by a bit of Walls Viennetta ice cream. Will no doubt play havoc with my digestion but I managed to scoff some before the humans saw me!
Yours, full and sleepy
HRH Yao-Lin x
Thursday, 7 June 2007
Today, thousands of crusty revellers descended upon my Island. Their reason? The annual Isle of Wight Music Festival.
Whilst I am not best pleased with the prospect of so very many humans on MY turf, I thought I should give a nod to the festival and the economy it brings to the Island. That was my nod.
Anyway, for those of you who are music fans, here are Thirteen Facts About the Isle of Wight Festival:
1. The Isle of Wight festival is a music festival which takes place annually on the Isle of Wight, England.
2. It was originally held from 1968 to 1970.
3. At the height of the flower-power era, hundreds of thousands of music fans came from all over the world to chill out in the fields of the Isle of Wight
4.They packed onto the Isle of Wight ferry from the mainland for up to five days of live rock, communal living, free love and mind-bending substances (like catnip?).
5. The 1970 event wasn't all 'nip and peace. There were punch-ups, fires broke out and the police had to take action when Hells Angels tried to impose their own brand of law and order.
6. 10,000 people attended the first festival, 150,000 witnessed the second one (when Bob Dylan was also present) and a massive 600,000 flocked over to the West Wight for the third festival in 1970 when Jimmy Hendrix starred.
7. The 1970 event was by far the largest and most famous of these early festivals; indeed it was said at the time to be one of the largest human gatherings in the world.
8. The most notable of over fifty performers were The Who, Jimi Hendrix, Miles Davis, The Doors, Ten years After, Joni Mitchell, Melanie, Donovan, Free, Chicago, Richie Havens, John Sebastian, leonard Cohen, Jethro Tull and Tiny Tim.
9. The event was revived in 2002 at Seaclose park, a recreation ground on the outskirts of Newport, Isle of Wight.
10. Many notable artists have performed since its revival including Ray Davies, Robert Plant, The Proclaimers, David bowie, The Who, R.E.M, Coldplay and Bryan Adams.
11. Ticket price for an adult camping this year is £125 (about $200)
12. This weekend, the line up includes Groove Armada, Amy Winehouse, Paolo Nutini and The Rolling Stones.
13. Now in its sixth year the festival has sold out faster than ever before with 50,000 tickets being snapped up within just one week of being released.
Bonus fact: My human can’t go because she has spent all her money on steak for HRH Yao-Lin, toys for HRH Yao-Lin and booster jabs for, you guessed it, yours truly. Ha!
Wednesday, 6 June 2007
Tuesday, 5 June 2007
I was very upset to hear that Artsy Catsy have been closed down. I took the advice of the Cat Blogosphere and sent an email to Blogger. This is what I said:
Why did you deem the Artsy Catsy blog to be spam? It isn't spam at all! Admittedly, they are partial to some ham but then, they are cats so that is normal. I don't like spam - the tinned stuff is nasty tasting. Anyway, I sincerely hope you don't take my blog away because then I couldn't tell the world about how wonderful I am.
Seriously, I think it is preposterous that you have closed down such a wonderful blog that is so obviously NOT SPAM .
Can we talk about how great I am now?
Monday, 4 June 2007
Posted by HRH Yao-Lin at 12:18
Sunday, 3 June 2007
Isn't this a serene and peaceful image of a Sunday morning? Don't we two brothers look just adorable? Nothing forced with this picture - all effortlessly affectionate and showing my softer side.
I hope everycat has as tranquil a Sunday as I. Beautiful weather here on the Isle of Wight - it seems that Summer is finally here!
Ta ta for now
Friday, 1 June 2007
A message for my slave.
HUMAN SLAVE: SEE MY LASER EYES? I WILL ZAP YOU WITH THEM NEXT TIME YOU TAKE FOOD AWAY FROM ME.
I am being very serious. I will NOT have chicken taken away from me. If I want to beg at next door's house then I will. At least the lady next door feeds me the food I actually like. Nevermind that it wreaks havoc with my digestive system. The old lady likes my company and she likes feeding me big bits of chicken. If you DARE to take the chicken away from me again, I will do worse than growl! Mark my words!
You have been warned.